Sacrifice

Hi everybody! I have purposely let a few weeks pass since my last post. I have had a few ideas rolling around in my head about what I wanted this post to be about, but the last few weeks have provided some intense "learning and growing" opportunities that have allowed me to see some things with a clearer perspective.

I wanted to take a minute to talk about sacrifice. When this whole experience came about for us, I thought a lot about what I was going to have to sacrifice to be obedient to this personal commandment Heavenly Father had given our family. For me, the biggest sacrifice was leaving my family and friends, all the people I have grown to know and love, and live far away from them. I thought about other sacrifices too, but this was by far the biggest one for me. When I ultimately committed in my heart that I was willing to make this sacrifice, I naively thought that the rest of our process would go really smooth- i.e.: we'd find the perfect, high paying job that would pay for us to relocate, money would start falling from the sky(or at least discover a long lost great-great aunt that had left us a gigantic inheritance),we could align our move-out/move-in dates perfectly, we could get to Texas with plenty of time to get the kids settled before they started their new schools, money would fall out of the sky...did I say that one already?, etc., etc. I know...I know...I said it was naive!! :) Believe it or not, but things aren't exactly mapping out the way I thought they would! :) That is the whole problem...I've been thinking about things in MY terms, not Heavenly Father's, and I've been thinking about sacrifice all wrong. Or maybe not wrong...I just haven't thought about the whole process of sacrifice.

I've thought a lot about Adam, and the altar that he built right after he was kicked out of the Garden of Eden. It was an altar on which to offer sacrifices to the Lord. It was made up of a whole bunch of big, round, super-heavy rocks, and then on the top it had two humongous flat pieces of rock that came together to form the top on which the sacrifice was to be offered. As I see this altar in my head, I think about the way it looks, and I think about those two broken pieces that make up the top part of the altar. To me, those pieces represent a broken heart, and a contrite spirit...two things that are required of us when we are asked to make a sacrifice. I have learned that the Lord asks us many times throughout our lives to build altars to Him. I always thought mostly about the "end result" or the thing that I was being asked to place on the very top of the altar...like in this case, the "moving to Texas and leaving all my friends and family" part. But there is so, so much more to the process. I guess I never thought about the hundreds of other rocks that had to be pushed and pulled and rolled and dragged just to be able to form a place for those top two rocks to sit on-- the "end result" place--the "last" part of the sacrifice..and the sweat, and tears, and body aches, and endurance, and faith that was required to keep placing rock, after heavy rock, after heavier rock. I guess that is the part of the process I'm at right now. I haven't yet made it to the end "moving" part, and I have learned that this whole experience isn't even just about that part. It is about me choosing every single day, sometimes moment to moment, to keep moving rocks, to keep building my altar, trusting in the Lord that the process of me working and sweating and crying and struggling--the part of the process that creates the "broken heart and contrite spirit" will lead to me being more like my Savior, and will teach me how to continually rely on the enabling power of the atonement. Also, I have learned that even though it can be a hard, intense thing--building these altars--that there is always peace and joy to be found. Heavenly Father is loving, and merciful, and patient--and He always sends "tender mercies" that can be found everywhere if I am looking for them.  These tender mercies have allowed me to "whistle while I work", and I am so grateful for the opportunities I am being given to learn and grow and stretch my faith more than I thought possible. 

I hope all of that made sense...it makes perfect sense in my head :) Thanks for reading and caring...love you all!