Pain and Purpose

This post has been a long time coming! The last 4 weeks have been a roller coaster of activity, emotion, change, struggle, and growth. I completely underestimated how difficult this phase of our journey would be. And I didn't realize that this phase of our new journey would be filled with little "mini-phases", the first being actually physically leaving Morgan, where our heart and soul had been for the last 8 years. This was _________. I don't even have a good word for it. We were so incredibly blessed to have so many beautiful people in our lives...way too many to name. :) As cheesy as it sounds, I have left pieces of my heart with all of them. I miss the people, but I also miss the beauty, and the mountains, and the stars, the streets, and even the fresh (and sometimes not-so-fresh) air :) The second "mini-phase" is adjusting to a new home/environment that we know is only very temporary.  For those of you who don't know where we are right now, I'll give you an update :) My awesome sister Alicia and her awesome husband Jon very graciously opened their home to us while we are getting all of our "ducks-in-a-row" to be able to get to Texas. (Where did that phrase come from, anyways?! It's kind of stupid...if I wasn't so tired I'd google it :). ) Since our Texas plans are coming along so smooth--I mean--un-smoothly, it is such a blessing to have a place where we can be until we figure everything out. Jon and Alicia better get 1 million extra blessings for opening their home to us :) So now we are with their family in Clinton, UT. Now I'll get to the honesty part of my blog, because that is what this blog is...an honest account of our journey. I have been struggling...m.a.j.o.r. This process has been so intense for me. We are in the middle of a huge transition in our lives, and the details of our lives literally change from day to day. Because this whole process has been so difficult, we are questioned almost daily about if we are "mis-reading" Heavenly Father's will for us. Our physical/mental/emotional/spiritual limits are being tested in a variety of ways each day. And then throw in Satan working overtime to make sure we don't do what we need to...lets just say it has been intense! And if you know me, you know I don't do anything half-hearted...and that includes struggling. I have had some super-un-graceful-faith-less-kicking-and-screaming days. And some long-dark-sleepless nights. Nights where first thing the next morning a favorite line from a favorite song becomes so literal ..."There's no telling how much a sunrise means to the one who's had a terrible night..." I know!!! Whine, whine!! Hey...it's my blog and I can whine if I want to!! :) But I'm telling you all of this because even after all of the struggle, even after reaching new personal lows....I know, as weak of a human as I am, that these experiences are only, ONLY for my good, and designed perfectly by a loving and merciful Heavenly Father to bring me closer to him (if I choose it), and to make me more like my Savior. And it doesn't matter if I kick and scream sometimes. It doesn't matter if I tell him how suck-y I think things are sometimes. It doesn't matter if I fall on my face and make mistake after mistake...he still loves me unconditionally--perfectly, and all I have to do is keep getting on my knees, and then keep getting up. Keep choosing Him. Keep trusting Him and His plan for me and my family. And that gives me purpose. And finding purpose in my Heavenly Father and my Savior and His infinite atonement makes every pain I experience worth having. (You guys remind me that I said that next time I have my stubborn super-un-graceful-faith-less-kicking-and-screaming day.) :)